(A) Support Re Cyber Bullying (check out www.webwise.ie/parents)

(B) Support Re Other Types of Bullying

(C) What If Your Child Is Bullying?

 

(A) Support Re Cyber Bullying:

We endorse the advice given from the Irish 'Sticks and Stones' Anti-Bullying Programme.

A representative, Patricia Kennedy, wrote the following words in the Irish Daily Mail on October 31, 2012:

 

"Cyberbullying is NOT 24/7; it's only 24/7 if a child is allowed access to their phone or the internet. Don't let your own ignorance get in the way of common sense. A simple rule is 'no phones after bedtime.' Have a drawer in the kitchen that all phones are left in.... Try turning off the wifi when you are going to bed to make sure there are no 3am online arguments. The anti-bullying initiative I represent, Sticks and Stones, work with children from all backgrounds, from designated disadvantaged schools to fee-paying schools, and we are constantly surprised at the level of innocence that most children have in relation to the 'friends' they make online. They don't think there are any dangers involved in chatting with strangers online, and they don't think there are any repercussions involved for them regarding what they post.... In our anti-bullying workshops, children tell us one of the reasons they don't 'tell' about bullying is that parents 'overreact'. Don't be that parent. If your child tells you that they are being bullied — don't lose your temper; above all don't threaten to take their phone or internet access away — you're just guaranteeing they'll never tell you anything again. Remain calm and ask questions — who, what, why, where, when. Get the facts, write it down, keep the text/phone messages or take a screen shot from the computer so you are informed when you approach the internet or phone provider, or Gardaí. Talk to your children; let them know they can talk to you; keep the channels of communication open"

 

We endorse the advice given by the USA’s Federal Department of Health:

“Be Aware of What Your Kids are doing online. Talk with your kids about cyber-bullying and other online issues regularly. Know the sites your kids visit and their online activities. Ask where they’re going, what they’re doing, and who they’re doing it with. Tell your kids that as a responsible parent you may review their online communications if you think there is reason for concern. Installing parental control filtering software or monitoring programs are one option for monitoring your child’s online behaviour, but do not rely solely on these tools. Have a sense of what they do online and in texts. Learn about the sites they like. Try out the devices they use.

Ask for their passwords, but tell them you’ll only use them in case of emergency. Ask to “friend” or “follow” your kids on social media sites or ask another trusted adult to do so. Encourage your kids to tell you immediately if they, or someone they know, is being cyber-bullied. Explain that you will not take away their computers or mobile phones if they confide in you about a problem they are having"

 

Establish Rules about Technology Use

Establish rules about appropriate use of computers, mobile phones, and other technology. For example, be clear about what sites they can visit and what they are permitted to do when they’re online. Show them how to be safe online. Help them be smart about what they post or say. Tell them not to share anything that could hurt or embarrass themselves or others. Once something is posted, it is out of their control whether someone else will forward it. Encourage kids to think about who they want to see the information and pictures they post online. Should complete strangers see it? Real friends only? Friends of friends? Think about how people who aren’t friends could use it. Tell kids to keep their passwords safe and not share them with friends. Sharing passwords can compromise their control over their online identities and activities.”

 

(B) Support Re Other Types of Bullying

Teaching a child to say “NO” in a good assertive tone of voice will help deal with many situations. A child’s self image and body language may send out messages to potential bullies.

 

Parents should approach their child’s teacher by appointment if the bullying is school related. It is important for you to understand that bullying in school can be difficult for teachers to detect because of the large numbers of children involved. Teachers will appreciate bullying being brought to light. School bullying requires that parents and teachers work together for a resolution.

 

Sometimes parental advice to a child is to “hit back” at the bully if the abuse is physical. This is not always realistic as it requires a huge amount of courage and indeed sometimes makes the situation worse.

 

Children should not be encouraged to engage in violent behaviour. Teaching children to be more assertive and to tell is far more positive and effective.

 

It is important to be realistic; it will not be possible for a single child to assert his/her rights if attacked by a group. Children should be advised to get away and tell in situations such as this.

 

Keep an account of incidents to help you assess how serious the problem is. Many children with a little help overcome this problem very quickly.

 

(C) What If Your Child Is Bullying?

1. Don’t panic. This may be a temporary response to something else in the child’s life e.g. a new baby, a death in the family, a difficult home problem etc. Give your child an opportunity to talk about anything that could be upsetting him/her.

2. Don’t punish bullying by being a bully yourself. Hitting and verbal attack will make the situation worse. Talk to your child and try to find out if there is a problem. Explain how the victim felt. Try to get the child to understand the victim’s point of view. This would need to be done over time.

3. Bullies often suffer low self esteem. Use every opportunity you can to praise good, considerate, helpful behaviour. Don’t only look for negatives.

4. Talk to your child’s teacher and find out more about your child’s school behaviour. Enlist the teacher’s help in dealing with this. It is important that you both take the same approach.

5. If the situation is serious you may need to ask the school or G.P. to refer your child to the child guidance clinic for help.